June 28th, 2016

“I Am Not Able To Refer You To The Trial”

The oncologist sent me a shocking reply this morning.
She can’t refer me because it is a phase one study.
I stared at the short paragraph email wondering if this was the answer from God.

It was yesterday that I was encouraged by a friend to be bold as I shared with her that I haven’t heard from NCI since last Tuesday though I sent the 2nd inquiry and maybe it was because the trial was closed recruiting enough participants. She told me to push by making a phone call to ask again.

Before I received the reply from the oncologist, I had emailed NCI again including two more contact persons this time. Reading the oncologist email, as I was wondering if I should let the trial go or not, the reply came from NCI. it answered my questions that 1) I, who has used multiple HER2 targeted drugs, can be qualified for the trial. 2) CT’s radiation doses are minimum, and 3) NCI is the only location that will make a personal vaccine. The trial is still open and so far I am qualified, which encouraged me to write back to the oncologist.

“The reasons why I am interested in the vaccine trial are:
1) the side-effects are mild and safe
2) I don’t need to hold the therapy for 10wk but only 2wk
3) If it works, the result will be greater than any other drugs according to the mice study
4) If it fails, I can go back to the conventional chemo quickly
5) I can try it right now when the brain is still clear (If cancer is in the brain, the patients are excluded from the study)

The reasons why I am concerned with the matching trial are:
1) While holding the therapy for 10-12wk, cancer may spread into the brain, and then I will be disqualified from most of the trials
2) my chance to match to the drugs seems very little.
3) Even if I match, the side-effects and the drug effects are unknown.”

She is a doctor and I am a patient. If there are any facts, risks, or concerns I don’t know, I will listen and humbly accept them, but I have to keep asking questions until I fully understand why she is right and agree with her.

A few hours later, the reply came. She said she would ask her group their opinions next week. I am thankful that she is open to consider my request.

I trust my Lord, who loves me and is with me, 100% whether the door of the vaccine opens or not. If this is His Will, the miracle will happen even in the very last minute just like the Hawaii trip. I pray and wait upon His answer patiently again.