My heart was heavy and I was depressed.
Cancer may have been into the liver already.
The radiation I’ve received from CTs and the therapy in the past 6 years may affect on me soon.
George may have a stroke or a heart attack tomorrow.
If I die, he will find a new girl/woman and move on without me, and ………
Once I got down, I was falling deeper and deeper.
Looking at me who was like an empty gas balloon, George invited me for a movie, “The Letters”, saying that a book “ Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light: The Private Writing of the Saint of Calcutta” we have read once was the original of the movie.
I was reluctant even going out, but because of it, I thought I should go out. I pushed myself and went to the movie with George.
Perhaps the movie was not the four stars, but it changed my mood 180 degrees.
Mother Teresa, who gave half of her life to the poorest of the poor in Calcutta, India, is a person I highly respect. While she was serving the poorest of the poor, she never took the praises and admiration for herself, but kept giving glory to God saying that she was just a pencil of Him though she had been struggling with loneliness, the silence and emptiness of not being able to connect with God.
The movie depicted that despite of the afflictions of disagreements of her supervisor and the parents of her students who wanted to follow her, and criticism or persecution from Hindus, whom she was helping, she stayed humble, obedient, and kept loving them.
At the climax, as she received the Nobel Peace Award, she quoted Saint Francis’ Prayer, “ Make Me An Instrument of Your Peace”.
“O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.”
The prayer and her utter unselfishness, loving posture spoke to me, who was obsessed about myself, having self-petty.
The anxiety, sadness, jealousy, greed, and anger, which had depressed me, were all cleansed, and a new hope, appreciation, strength, and love were installed. I was lifted up.
The next day, I was invited for a Christmas Carol performance by CSU Long Beach Choir. The beautiful powerful Christmas carols made me think about God, who was so merciful, faithful, and loving to me, and I was overwhelmed.
This year was a tough year, but He is giving me a glorious, holy Christmas at the end, again.
How great You are! I am blessed and thankful!
(If you’d like to read George’s perspective of the movie, please go to his blog.)