October 6th, 2015

Go Ahead

As I went to a chemo ward, a nurse hanged a sign of “ My Last Chemo” at the chair in front of me. Being decorated with pretty pink ribbons, it was a way of the celebration from the nurses to someone who is lucky to end chemo treatment.

I knew I should rejoice for the person,but all of sudden as I saw the sign, I felt like I was ambushed; the sad feeling that I would never have such a day, attacked me and was barely able to see the sign,

Who will sit on this special seat? I wondered. Then a young African American lady in her 30s or 40s sat on the chair.

I prayed and as I finished the infusion earlier than her, I walked up to her and said, “Congratulations! God is Good all the time!”

I remembered a little Japanese girl who received a new heart from a little one who was almost the same age in the same ICU. A Japanese TV crew came and interviewed a social worker, “ How come someone, who was praying hard for saving their little one’s life, can give the heart to someone else in the same ICU?”

I also remember a scene of “ One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”: The main character, Jack Nicolson, was so excited to be discharged from a psychiatric institution, but noticing the sadness of his friends, who would never get out from there but said to him, “congratulations,” he decided to have a wild party with them bringing prostitutes and alcohol the night before his discharge. Yet he also drank too much and missed finishing the party before the supervisor found out. As a result, he lost the chance of the discharge.

In a Japanese story, “Spider’s Thread” by Ryunosuke Akutagawa, Shaka gave mercy on a man, Kandata, who was in hell, dropping the thread of a spider from Paradise to save him. Kandata grabbed the thread and started climbing, but soon after he noticed that many other guys were also grabbing the same thin tread and climbing below him. Being afraid that the thread would be broken, he yelled at them, “ NO! This is mine!” Then the thread was indeed broken and he fell down back to hell.

Everyone wants to be free from afflictions, and if the gate to escape is narrow, we would be desperate just like Kandata.

Yet, I see love in the organ donor family and the movie of Jack Nicolson.
In one glance, the love in both looks foolish, which chose to give a life forgetting oneself, and chose to stay among the victims.

As I shared the thoughts, George called it “Immanuel.”

Instead of performing instant miracles, Jesus chose to come among us who are suffering. He chose to be crucified on behalf of us. If the gate is narrow, Immanuel chooses to be the last to get out.

If we ended up to be in hell like Kandata, there is no point. However, Jesus defeated the death. For the ones who believe in Him, eternal lives are promised. If so, if there is something we look forward waiting, it enables us to say to another, “Go ahead,” at the narrow gate.
God is still molding me.