At the beginning of my cancer journey, I was too afraid of saying, “Thy will be done,” at the end of a prayer because I thought I would not handle if His will is different from mine and go down the hill. Then someone told me to ask God for the strength. I believe God is almighty and never make mistakes. Then if He doesn’t take away cancer from me, if He says His Grace is sufficient for me, I need the strength and courage to accept it. So I started praying so, and He has answered me giving them every day until this day.
A half year before my diagnosis, I changed the health insurance from PPO to Kaiser without knowing what was coming, but because of this decision, my co-pay of the expensive treatments is zero most of the time.
When my cancer spread to the lungs, it was a Japanese cancer friend that gave me the name of the chemo, Taxol, which brought me into two year remission, not the doctors I consulted paying money. I didn’t look for her but she reached out to me through my cancer blog.
A 2nd opinion doctor implied once that I might not survive more than three years, but I am still here.
For our 20th wedding anniversary, George and I could go to the holy land, Israel, in the midst of the treatment.
When George was laid off, we were given unexpected generous financial supports and the place to continue his ministry.
There are more miracles and Graces God provided for George and me. Actually if I look all the way back in my life, I see numerous His interventions.
My father was in Hiroshima, when the atomic bomb was dropped. His troop was outside for a morning assembly and they were all killed, but my father was late. He was still tying his shoes inside a building, and survived. One year later he was diagnosed with leukemia and hospitalized more than a year. He survived again, but was told he might not be able to have any children. Yet I was born in a good health.
Growing up next to the church, learning about Jesus, coming to the US, married George, and involved in the organ transplant ministry—all of them were not coincidences but God’s ingenious plan for my salvation.
My cancer has been progressing since the beginning of this year and my options for the treatments are getting less and less. If I look at the stormy water, I will sink just like Peter who was walking on the water, but God has told me many times, “ Do not be afraid! Be courageous! You are precious to me. I am with you!” He has been with me even before I was born, and He will walk with me through the valley of the shadow of death until I get to the other side, where I will receive a new body, which never gets sick or die.
I don’t know how long I can live, or what will happen to my future, but my prayer is that I am able to have a good fight giving glory to God every day, and every moment, so that at the end I can say, “ I have finished my race and have kept my faith,” just like Paul. Because I have the loving heavenly Father and He is good all the time!