Why did I receive the infusion? Why didn’t I ask to postpone it until next week giving the bone marrow time to recover?
Why didn’t I ask to reduce the dose? That would also help the recovery.
Since the platelet count has been continually plunging, it is obvious that the next lab will show the worse result. Then it will take a long time to recover.
Umm, I am always so slow!
Last night on top of a side effect of Decadron, a steroid, regretting to receive the infusion, I couldn’t sleep. I can’t undo yesterday. It was done already. Then what I can do was only to pray.
“God please give me your peace. Please fix my mistake.”
I prayed many times but what coming out were only sighs and frustrations.
The morning came. George asked how I was. I said,”It’s crappy.” Yet it was a totally new day! I had a full schedule today, and after spending the day with ESL Bible study, lunch with an old friend from Japan, a visit to the Christian dentist, and volunteering at a homeless shelter, my heart was lifted up.
In the Bible study, discussing about God’s faithfulness and grace, I was encouraged. The conversation with the old friend was so joyous. At the dentist’s, showing the completely closed gum, under which was the necrosis so I had to remove an implant in March, the dentist said, “Praise the Lord.” Serving together with the Tuesday Bible study people at the shelter was uplifting as always.
At the end of the day, I drove back home with complete peace being relieved from the bitter regret and the anxiety about the future. Surprisingly I felt like my future was even bright. Maybe this is just erratic impulsive feeling, but I am so thankful that I could get back my feet on the Rock.