Blowing Away the Dark Cloud

Remained Lump

It was January when I found the lump under my arm.

Though an ultrasound found out the lump was a fluid collection, it also caught two lymph nodes.

I had a surgery for a biopsy of those lymph nodes in March, and they were actually cancerous, and the lump came back not less than a week after the surgery.

When I went back to the surgeon, she aspirated more than two syringes of fluid and told me to come back if it accumulated again.

As she predicted, the same spot under my arm raised back not many days after.  Yet because I had to start the radiation, a radiation doctor told me to wait for the aspiration until after the radiation; the lump remained.

Dr. Glaspy at UCLA, whom I visited after the radiation,  examined the lump and told me, “ The radiation was like dropping an atomic bomb, so even if there were cancer, it is bleeding and dying.”

I went back to the surgeon for the aspiration again.  She didn’t suck out any fluid from the lamp  and  told me, “ It is still small, and you just finished the radiation.  So if I were you, I won’t worry about it.”

New Lump under the Old One

While I have been observing this lump every day, ghastly I felt a new lump under the incision a few days ago. I feel this hard lump when I wear a bra.  It goes away somewhere, maybe deep under my skin, if I take off the bra.

I am going to have an ultrasound to check this out on the 9th.

Yet, bleeding, a swelling around the left clavicle, and the new lump – a dark cloud surged over me and a big wave of anxiety rolled on me.

Last night as the throbbing pain woke me up, I  opened a book my son gave me as a birthday gift last year: The Joy In Loving by Mother Teresa.

“Everything starts with prayer.”

The words I was familiar with caught my eye.

So I prayed.

If I l’m getting sicker , can George keep ministering to 500 members of the church, as a spiritual leader bearing their burdens?

I can’t lose this battle not only for me but also for him.

May I get strength to fight back!

The Prayer was Granted

This morning, it was sunny without even a bit of clouds in L.A., and so was my heart.  My anxiety was locked-up tightly and, instead, my heart was filled with joy as I spent time with numerous friends this week.

I spent extra time to cook breakfast for George, who had Friday off, and then I invited him to walk on a local beach.

The sun beam was strong, but the breeze was brisk.

Bikers and joggers were passing by. Sailboats were out at sea.  Shocking pink bougainvilleas, tall vigorous agapanthuses, and colorful roses were entertaining our eyes lining up from the residences along the beach.

How blessed I am being able to live in such a beautiful place!

It doesn’t matter how many times I come here, I feel the same way.

“ Even if we live for another 50 years, or we die tomorrow, we have to enjoy each day God gives us,” we talked as we walked.

In the afternoon, finding an interpreting volunteer NPO in Japan on line, I registered myself thinking that maybe even from L.A. there may be something I can do.

I could have a good day today because my prayer was granted.

Tomorrow, George and I will see his cousin’s family, who are visiting L.A., and our son and his wife.  May we have a great day tomorrow again!

3 thoughts on “Blowing Away the Dark Cloud

  1. May you have many, many, many more great days. Even in the midst of great challenges, there is joy to be experienced if we let it into our hearts. You are showing us just how that can be done. Thank you, Kathy.

  2. Your words are always so inspirational, Kathy, despite the very difficult journey you are on.Let us keep praying and enjoying each day we have here in this beautiful spot in the South Bay. I am leaving for London tomorrow – I am very sad with events happening there in my home town. It isn’t a surprise to me though. Blessings and peace to both you and George.

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